Patrick Carnes, in the book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, described what he called the Addictive Cycle. It is the reverse of the Shalom Cycle.

Instead of a Vision for Life, when you were caught up in your sex addiction, you mind was consumed with PREOCCUPATION about sex: fantasy, euphoric recall, and planning. The positive actions of the Shalom Cycle that ensured the life vision would become a reality disappeared. In their place, a host of NEGATIVE RITUAL BEHAVIOURS freed you up to access pornography, make contact with acting out partners, and have unaccounted for time and money. Ultimately, each time you ACTED OUT sexually, it was always a disappointing let down. It never measures up to what you hoped it would be. The fleeting rush of dopamine soon left, and you entered into DESPAIR which sent you right back into PREOCCUPATION.

(Adapted from Patrick Carnes. (2001). Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction. 3rd ed. Center City, MN: Hazelden Publishing.)

The further you moved along in the cycle, the more your prefrontal cortex, the thinking/reasoning part of your brain disengaged. The pleasure that came from activities that used to fulfill you paled in comparison to the rush of dopamine that came from combining novel sexual encounters with the risk of being caught. Life became unmanageable as the addictive cycle took over your life, crowding out family, friends, work, and the hobbies and activities that used to bring purpose and meaning to life. You became obsessed with compulsively seeking the next sexual encounter which continually turned out to be disappointing, meaningless encounters. This explains the “trance-like state” described in the SAA literature which renders the addict powerless as the cycle progresses. Sex addiction changed the structure and functioning of your brain. Despite all the promises you made to yourself and your partner, you couldn’t help yourself when the urge to act out was triggered.

You needed help.